published daily at www.newspoetry.com

NICE THINGS

by Meg Miner
21 February, 2002

The nice thing about family values is it makes us feel good when we go off and have babies so politicians can send them to war to protect family values.† Checks and balances.

The nice thing about compassionate conservatives is that they can promote the sanctity of embryos over the need for stem cell research in the same breath that they send billion dollar bombs onto fully realized embryos elsewhere.† Justice for all.

The nice thing about fiscal conservatism is that it sounds like something it isnít - which is paying for all of the above instead of keeping schools in Buffalo open.† Pursuing happiness.

Welcome to the new world order.† New is relative, of course.† Watch the magiciansí sleeves.† Weíve mostly shuffled the deck of the old one.

by Chris Pealer
22 February 2002

Axes like chop chop felling old growth?
Or Axis like Hitler (when we can't say "Hitler")?
And Evil like Knievil? Or Evil Empire evil?
Maybe evil like an apple full of tacks
or a river full of PCB's.
Maybe we should nuke 'em just to be safe,
or sell their real estate to each other
and wage a war of repossession.
Anyway, we need to teach them a lesson:
some toys are only for Big Boys,
got it? Kiddies needn't try to hang.
Threat? No threat! I was only saying
maybe somebody could get hurt
hanging around with those off-coloreds.
They don't know when to pay up and shut up
and when to lay down.
I wonder what it's like
to live on an evil axe?
Why don't those fancy-pants
investigative journalists
interview the crazed peasantry,
the man selling cabbages in Baghdad,
the Korean woman winnowing rice,
or the tea shop clerk in Tehran,
and ask 'em if they've stopped being terrorists
ask'em if they've seen Osama Bin Lauden
'cause I'm looking for that sonofabitch
and I bet I know where to find him.
Dallas, TX
1-30-02

WELCOME TO SECURITY CHECKPOINT #63702

by Paul Kotheimer
18 February 2002

PLEASE REMOVE ALL VISUAL OR TEXTUAL PRINTED MATTER, ALL RECORDED AUDIO AND/OR VIDEO MEDIA, ALL WRITING IMPLEMENTS, AND ALL RECORDING DEVICES FROM YOUR PERSON AND LUGGAGE. PLACE ALL SUCH OBJECTS ON THE CONVEYOR BELT TO YOUR LEFT.

PLEASE BE PREPARED TO HAND OVER ALL PHOTO I.D.'S AND PAPER CURRENCY FOR INSPECTION.

IF YOU HAVE ANY OPINIONS WHICH MIGHT CONFLICT WITH USA-PATRIOT SECURITY POLICY, PLEASE DECLARE THEM TO THE OFFICER BEFORE YOU ARE SEARCHED.

WHEN YOU SEE THE RED LIGHT, PLEASE PLACE YOUR RIGHT HAND PALM DOWN ON THE PALMPLATE AND RECITE THE PLEDGE.

FREEDOM PATROL, INC., THANKS YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

GOD BLESS AMERICA.
HAVE A NICE DAY.