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TEXAS FOOK FISH EQUATION |
Current rating: 0 |
by CHUCK MARTIN
Email: streetrocket (nospam) cox.net (unverified!)
Phone: 619-234-6824
Address: 866 22nd Street San Diego, Ca 92102 |
12 Feb 2002
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TEXAS FOOK FISH EQUATION SUMMARY
The fook fish is a metapotentiated and protomythical Texas fish that lives in oil pipelines and whose egg byproducts can be converted into various arcane industrial and defense uses. However, the most important and lucrative byproduct extracted from the fook eggs is another closely guarded secret product used exclusively in the NFL where it is used to demagnetize monodirectionalized synthetic grass which can interfere with the flight of a football…and there is the moral and economical practicalities of subsidizing a mythical fish for mega-petro concerns. |
Texas Fook Fish Equation
(Subsidized, Metapotentiated and Protomythical, Will Its Embargo Crimp NFL?)
By: Charles C. Martin, Golden Hill, Ca, Special In Risibility Report
The fook fish is a metapotentiated and protomythical Texas fish that lives in oil pipelines and whose egg byproducts can be converted into various arcane industrial and defense uses, including the secretive code-named lightning bug defrosters. These LBD’s are used in sensitive military applications, and Pentagon spokesman, Stugul Mokon Zook, refused to discuss the matter with any specificity.
The complete fook migration pattern involves a grueling 7-year transit via pipelines from the oil fields to the refineries and back. After spending several years in refinery tanks, the fook then return upstream back through the pipes to their original oil fields where they spawn and die, and the fook cycle repeats itself.
FOOK FISH FORMULA
However, the most important and lucrative byproduct extracted from the fook eggs is another closely guarded secret product used exclusively in the NFL where various cabals know it affectionately as the "fook fish formula."
The "fook fish formula," according to NFL sources that wish to remain anonymous, is super critical to professional football games because, they say, it is used before most every game to demagnetize monodirectionalized synthetic grass, a condition known as the "fook grass phenomenon" or FGP for short.
FOOK GRASS PHENOMENON (FGP)
All NFL grass, natural or synthetic must be omnidirectional so that it does not interfere with the longitudinal axial rotation of the ball as it spirals through the air. Natural grass usually offers no problem but the synthetic fields must be treated weekly with the "fook formula" or the passing game would be rendered ballistically unstable if not useless. This "fook grass phenomenon" occurs primarily at field level & does not usually affect the kicking game.
Sometimes, however, the secret compounds in the prohibitively expensive pro shoes contain exotic chemicals that interfere with the magnetic poles of the natural grass, at which time the "fook formula" must be used. It is because of this fact, some active players state, that the league banned the use of "hot-dogging" in the end-zone after touch-downs, as the subsequent chemically induced vegetative-arrhythmia creates a negative magnetic polarity in the grass, thereby, again, disrupting the passing game.
FOOK FISH EMBARGO
To the consternation of the NFL, and to the other users of fook eggs, the government recently declared the fook to be an endangered species, and has declared a total embargo on its transportation, sale or unauthorized use or exchange. The government’s decision is predicated on the recent anomalous spikes in pipeline fluid pressures, which interferes with the fook’s sensitive hydrocarbon migratory habits.
TREY-EFF SUPPLY FRETS NFL
Concerned NFL insiders say that they have only enough of the "fook fish formula" to last until next year’s play-offs. And unless the league gets its hands on more of the scarce "trey-eff," as it sometimes referred to, the play-offs could be in jeopardy.
A dim hope is that several top universities now pitted in a desperate race to be the first to market a synthetic "fook formula" quickly succeed, as the winner would be entitled to the huge royalties that such a patent would generate.
Black-marketing, it is reported, in bogus "trey-eff" is now rampant in cities with football franchises, especially those with stadiums. Illicit dealers refer to themselves as "trey-eff-thletes" or as "foofies" purveying "foofi." As most of their "foofi" is composed of fake fook fish, it is totally ineffective against FGP.
OVAL OFFICE
White House sources say that the "fook fish embargo" is under scrutiny by the "appropriate agencies" until an accurate fook census has been taken, and that any final decisions would be based solely on scientific criteria and that politics would not enter the fook equation.
FOOK FISH SUBSIDY FOR MYTHICAL FISH
However, the fook’s importance to the Texas economy can hardly be exaggerated. Texas energy concerns, for example, are paid a sizeable annual subsidy for not catching the endangered mythical fook. In Texas the subsidy is referred to as the fook-fairy (fund) or as federal fookanthropy.
PARADIGMATICALLY IMPAIRED FOOK COUNTS
On the other hand, disgruntled fook fishermen argue that they won’t be off the financial hook until the fook fish are properly counted, and the embargo lifted. Which count, opponents counter, is indeterminable since the fook are mythical, and a firm count is almost impossible to attain, according to UT piscatologists.
But the upset fishermen counter that it is only a simple matter of finding a Texas accounting firm that specializes in such myth-taken identity.
And that in general, argue the fishermen, fook-fishing-counting in Texas, especially in the energy field, is a long established accounting practice, and that it is either time to count the fook fish or cut bait. © [chuck martin’s email address: streetrocket (at) cox.net and martin’s san diego phone and fax is 619-234-6824] WORD COUNT 791
Future articles: Save The Fook Fish: Z-code for Prolegomenous Anti-Edenic Screeds?; The Fook Fish & The Wedgeheadian Morphological Dissonance Paradigm (Disparate Agixognomic Clues from Patagonia)
The prolixity of the Texas Fook Fish Equation if divided into 3 parts, would make it into a triptych and thereby make your suggested parameters of 250 words, also I am working on the 2nd and 3rd parts
CHUCK MARTIN
866 22ND STREET
GOLDEN HILL, CA 92102
Condition: I am fundraising for a book room to be built in our new community center in Golden Hill (San Diego, Ca); therefore i would request a fee for the use of this story, as a portion of any benefits would assist in the completion of the room. Thank you. Chuck (see below)
MARTIN'S BIO
ACTIVIST, WRITER AND HOST FAMILY
Martin and his wife Pat are long time community activists in the inner city neighborhood of Golden Hill, (San Diego, California) long before its recent and deserved efflorescence.
Charles and Pat met in Beirut, Lebanon, and afterwards both worked for six moths in the chicken coops, fish ponds, date fields and orchards of Kibbutz Kinaret, just outside Tiberias, on the Sea of Galilee, in Israel.
Pat and Charles are now a host family, for over 10 years, for international students studying English from Europe and Asia.
Charles uses his spare time for mostly drawing and writing. Pat is also currently on the board of the neighborhood civic organization (the CDC).
GOLDEN HILL TRASH TIGER TALES
Charles, a member of the Golden Hill Trash Tigers, and GHAG (Golden Hill Action Group) both founded by his wife and 2 others, all campaigned against absentee landlords, drug lords, indifferent (at that time, 20 years ago) civic officials and agencies, and swept the streets for litter with groups of children at times reaching groups of over 100 kid, and paid the kids a small stipend with private money raised by us on the grass roots level for 17 years.
ASSISTED BY DRUG REHAB HOUSES
We were assisted, on our cleaning sweeps, by volunteer adult neighbors, as well as young adults from the two closest drug rehab houses in our area.
The C.R.A.S.H. House for the young male and female chemically-dependent would assist us with their adult patients as monitors to escort the kids in and out of the sweep-up zones.
And the Turning Point, for adult female alcoholics, assisted us also with volunteers who also went out and picked up trash with us, and monitored the traffic safety of the children.
TIGERS MEET FIRST FAMILY
The Tigers were honored to meet President Clinton and the First Family, during his administration, when they arrived in Air Force One at Coronado Naval Air Station.
FROM LITTER TO LITERACY
The Trash Tigers, as the neighborhood got cleaner, worked themselves out of a job, and morphed into a reading program for the local kids as the Golden Hill Trash Tiger Tales. In other words the Trash Tigers went from litter to literacy.
GOLDEN HILL COMMUNITY CENTER-AS YET TO BE BUILT
Incidentally, a portion of any benefits generated by these articles will go to assist for the accoutrements (book shelves, tables and chairs) of a room being dedicated to the Trash Tiger Reading Tales in the soon but as-yet-to-be-built GH Community Center to be built at 25th and F Streets.
Thank you so much for your consideration. Chuck Martin Monday February 11, 2002
P.S. We, en passant, and our group, the Trash Tigers, also painted out enough graffiti to reach to the moon and back, and still hold our Trash Tiger Tales Annual Progressive Dinner, this year will be our 23rd, at the home of neighbors who volunteer their homes, to fund our budget to keep us going, and it is a very popular and unifying event. (Martin's email address: streetrocket (at) cox.net)
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