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In China During The Attacks |
Current rating: 8 |
by Alex Harris via Robert Porter
Email: rporter (nospam) newtonbigelow.com (verified) |
25 Mar 2003
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Former CU resident Alex Harris sends these thoughts from China, where he is currently a teacher of English. |
Some of you might be wondering what is it like to be in China during the attack on Iraq. Here's how it's gone down so far. Please note that I'm not a complete left-wing hippie anti-war peacenik. I've done military service. I feel like I understand something about global imperatives and I see the occasional need for strong and decisive actions, sometimes military, to ward off threats to global security or to protect the weak. I say this because I don't want this to be misunderstood as just liberal grousing or a lefty rant by someone who's against any fighting at any cost. I think of myself as a realist, though I know I'd be in disagreement with many others in my opinions.
Anyway, that said, here's the scoop so far.
When I went home from work for lunch last Thursday, I read on the internet that the war had started. On the way back to work, everyone on the bus was reading newspaper special editions about the U.S.-led attack on Iraq.
That afternoon and throughout the next day I felt that everyone was looking at me. I saw furtive glances and sidelong looks of suspicion as I walked down the street. I felt like there was a big flashing neon sign over my head shouting "American!!!" I felt like a freak, as if my already abnormal 6 feet 2 inches had grown to 10 feet and my white skin was glowing like an arc light, attracting the attention of everyone in sight. I had trouble meeting people's eyes and found myself looking at the ground a lot.
After a day or so I began to think that the scrutiny I felt was actually just my imagination. People always look at me. Foreigners are still something of a curiosity here, and I realized that the quality of the looks I was getting really hadn't changed any. There weren't any scowls, comments, or any other behavior from the Chinese that would indicate any kind of hostility on their part. Life was going as usual.
At first I was relieved... but this relief was quickly replaced by anger. Although I was happy to discover that I wasn't viewed as some kind of global criminal by my Chinese neighbors, I quickly realized that that really wasn't the problem -- the fact that I suspected it spoke volumes about the real issue. It wasn't their reaction that was the issue, it was my own. Why did I imagine those suspicious looks from the people around me? Why did I cast my eyes down to avoid making eye contact with people? I was reluctant to look at them because I felt as if I had something to be ashamed of. This is what the war against Iraq is doing to some of us who actually interact with the rest of the world, making us feel embarrassed and ashamed.
Then I thought, how wonderful it would be to be able to walk around with my head held high, proud of my country and its enlightened leadership. Why can't I? Why don't I have a country that I can say with confidence works toward the betterment of humanity? Why don't I have a nation I can feel proud of as it leads the way in creating a world of peace and understanding? Why don't I have a country that works in partnership with the rest of the world to encourage a global community? Why can't I walk around China with pride, feeling like I represent a great nation that is a model to be followed?
Instead, I represent a country that mocks and dismisses foreign leadership, a country that attacks other nations without provocation and without international consensus, a country that endorses preemptive war and interference in other countries, a country that bullies the world into operating by its own designs for its own interests. is it any wonder that I walk around outside the borders of my country with my head down? My own country is making me feel ashamed in front of the rest of the world.
So, that's what it feels like to be abroad at this time. But the Chinese, God bless 'em, are nice enough (or apathetic enough) to make it a bit easier on me.
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