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News :: Environment |
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Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
Current rating: 0 |
by wayward
(No verified email address) |
10 May 2006
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Halliburton representatives Fred Wolf and Northrup Goody demonstrate SurvivaBalls at Lexis-Nexis Catastrophic Loss conference. The SurvivaBall will protect managers from natural disasters using a mechanism similar to slime molds formed by amoebas. |
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An advanced new technology will keep corporate managers safe even when climate change makes life as we know it impossible.
"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way," said Fred Wolf, a Halliburton representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss conference held at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida. "This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate change," he said to an attentive and appreciative audience.
Most scientists believe global warming is certain to cause an accelerating onslaught of hurricanes, floods, droughts, tornadoes, etc. and that a world-destroying disaster is increasingly possible. For example, Arctic melt has slowed the Gulf Stream by 30% in just the last decade; if the Gulf Stream stops, Europe will suddenly become just as cold as Alaska. Global heat and flooding events are also increasingly possible.
In order to head off such catastrophic scenarios, scientists agree we must reduce our carbon emissions by 70% within the next few years. Doing that would seriously undermine corporate profits, however, and so a more forward-thinking solution is needed.
At today's conference, Wolf and a colleague demonstrated three SurvivaBall mockups, and described how the units will sustainably protect managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or duration. The devices - looking like huge inflatable orbs - will include sophisticated communications systems, nutrient gathering capacities, onboard medical facilities, and a daunting defense infrastructure to ensure that the corporate mission will not go unfulfilled even when most human life is rendered impossible by catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed conflicts.
"It's essentially a gated community for one," said Wolf.
Dr. Northrop Goody, the head of Halliburton's Emergency Products Development Unit, showed diagrams and videos describing the SurvivaBall's many features. "Much as amoebas link up into slime molds when threatened, SurvivaBalls also fulfill a community function. After all, people need people," noted Goody as he showed an artist's rendition of numerous SurvivaBalls linking up to form a managerial aggregate with functional differentiation, metaphorically dancing through the streets of Houston, Texas.
The conference attendees peppered the duo with questions. One asked how the device would fare against terrorism, another whether the array of embedded technologies might make the unit too cumbersome; a third brought up the issue of the unit's cost feasibility. Wolf and Goody assured the audience that these problems and others were being addressed.
"The SurvivaBall builds on Halliburton's reputation as a disaster and conflict industry innovator," said Wolf. "Just as the Black Plague led to the Renaissance and the Great Deluge gave Noah a monopoly of the animals, so tomorrow's catastrophes could well lead to good - and industry must be ready to seize that good."
Goody also noted that Jean-Michel Cousteau's Ocean Futures Society was set to employ the SurvivaBall as part of its Corporate Sustenance (R) program. Another of Cousteau's CSR programs involves accepting a generous sponsorship from the Dow Chemical Corporation, whose general shareholder meeting is May 11.
Please visit http://www.halliburtoncontracts.com/EPDU/ for photos,
video, and text of today's presentation. |
See also:
http://www.halliburtoncontracts.com
http://www.theyesmen.org
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Related stories on this site:
Global Warming Fastest for 20,000 Years - and it _is_ Mankind's Fault
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This work is in the public domain. |
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Re: Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
by b
bl (nospam) justice.com (unverified) |
Current rating: 0
11 May 2006
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wow. excellent work. i encourage you in using your computer design abilities, research, patience and brilliance for the greater good. |
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Re: Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
by wayward
(No verified email address) |
Current rating: 0
11 May 2006
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Actually, this was the work of the Yes Men (see http://www.theyesmen.org). Their movie was pretty funny too, and should be out on DVD. |
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Re: Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
by Try to keep up
(No verified email address) |
Current rating: 0
13 May 2006
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This was a hoax issued by the Yes Men, read democracynow.org to verify the second successful hoax played on Big Corp. by the Yes Men. |
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Re: Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
by wayward
(No verified email address) |
Current rating: 0
14 May 2006
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This was a hoax issued by the Yes Men, read democracynow.org to verify the second successful hoax played on Big Corp. by the Yes Men.
Wow, you're the first person to post this. Perhaps that's because the original post had a link to the Yes Men's site (http://www.theyesmen.org) |
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Re: Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
by Peter K Anderson aka Hartlod(tm)
hartlod (nospam) bigpond.com (unverified) |
Current rating: 0
18 May 2006
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Well from 'Movie scripts' of 'scenarios' involving 'Doom & Woe', to the 'wiz-wow' of a 'survival capsule' launch (perhaps for the next movie?). These 'scenarios' are also unrelated to the REALITY we all exist in; the 'greenhouse effect' can't be possible when regard is given to the materials it involves, and these materials real and actual properties, and NOT to 'opinion'.
So NOW the 'greenhouse pitch' is selling 'escape capsules', gee-gosh more money from 'climate speak'. The same 'lines' where used to sell 'personal fallout shelters' in the 'Cold War Period', which at least presented a REAL situation to justify such a business. Whether those shelters would make survival possible, or even wanted, is still debated in some arenas. "Climate and Greenhouse" supposition is only aiding the installation OF Uranium as the major 'base load' generation fuel. Almost ironic is this situation, to those astute enough to rise above the dogma.
Speaking of 'rising', the Oceans are not warming by any atmospheric process involving 'greenhouse gases', and in general 'warming' has proceeded in an irregular manner since the reversion of the last Glaciation. To example this, those Glaciers within China (mentioned to be melting NOW) are only at a median 13,000 feet (~3900 meters) after all. Mount Kosciusko in Australia is, at 2228 meters actually 300 meters BELOW the level needed to have permanent snow (as of 'now') and has within the same 50 square kilometer region 9 other peaks above 2100 meters (within 50 square kilometers) with that region subjected to glaciation 20,000 to 30,000 years before present. So at some point of time within the past 20000 to 30000 years the glaciers within this region of Australia ALSO melted. The ONLY relevant situation regarding the glaciers within China is that they are melting NOW, and that is ALL that is unique. The extra ~1000 meters of this location within China has given this Ice an existence some number of centuries years longer than that 'ice' left within the Australian 'Alps' after the last 'glaciation event'.
This has all happened before, some ice melting, and the World has continued from the Past till NOW, and WILL continue from NOW into the FUTURE with ice forming and melting again and again. There IS a clash with natural climate change and production of weather patterning alterations within such processes, but it is NOT involving of 'greenhouse pollution', and there is NO component involving a 'greenhouse effect'.
There is NO 'Great Disaster' needful of a 'personal escape bubble', but it is a very funny to observe. At least those Cold War 'bomb shelters' made fantastic "Backyard Den's".
Your's
Peter K Anderson aka Hartlod
hartlod (at) bigpond.com
(The word 'Hartlod' in the registered Trademark of Peter K Anderson.) |
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Re: Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
by wayward
(No verified email address) |
Current rating: 0
18 May 2006
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You might want to check out The Yes Men's site at http://www.theyesmen.org |
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It's Par for His Course |
by open-minded
(No verified email address) |
Current rating: 0
18 May 2006
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Having observed Hartlod(tm) dumping on cilmate scientists for twisting science to fit politics, it's rather hysterically ironic to see him adjust the evidence here to fit his predetermined (and quite mistaken) conclusion.
In case he hasn't figured it out by reading a bit more closely, BTW, Hartlod(tm), the SurvivaBall IS a PARODY. |
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Re: Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
by kevin
(No verified email address) |
Current rating: 0
18 May 2006
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Don't be so harsh.
Because the Earth was created by God only a few thousand years ago, all this talk of "global warming" can't possibly be right. Kudos to Hartlod for having the courage to speak up.
Now go make as much money as possible before the Rapture, preferably in the petroleum industry. It's what God wants. |
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Re: Halliburton Solves Global Warming |
by Vaxen Var
vaxen (nospam) military.com (unverified) |
Current rating: 0
21 Aug 2006
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Right. Good for the managers bad for the dolts which follow them, eh? Now what about 'real people' applications? |
